Saturday, December 23, 2006

Cervelo Sponsorship letter

Dear Gerard,

You may not know me yet, but I'm writing to convince you that sponsoring me this year is a wonderful business opportunity. I am a 28 year old student and athlete from the triathlete Mecca that is Cleveland. Not only do I have a mountain of athletic potential, but I offer unique marketing opportunities.

Athletic Achievements:

Although 2006 was my first year doing triathlons I placed in my age group in several races. In at least one of those races I was competing against more than two people for the podium. The races were truly epic battles to the finish line. Just a look at my PRs will offer a glimpse into my talent. My half marathon PR of 1:52.52 is a showcase of my speed. I'm sure that I was right at the top of my age group because I was given a medal at the finish line. My blisteringly fast bike split at the Portage Lakes Olympic relays (ave. 19.7 mph) was enough to pull my relay team to a first place finish (sure, we were the only female relay, but that's clearly because we scared away the competition). But the leg that truly sets me apart is my swimming. Why would a bicycle manufacturer want to support a swimmer, you ask? The answer is simple... and genius. I will be competing in Ironman CdA in June. Let's say I get out of the water at 60 minutes. When I get on my Cervelo most of the field will be behind me. I guarantee that over the next 6 hours I will be passed by at least 1000 competitors. Adorn me with a DeSoto Trikini with a Cervelo logo and 700 men are sure to notice the bike I'm riding. The impact on your company will be huge. The plan doesn't end there, though. If you'd like, just for the benefit of your company, I will then take it easy on the run. I will make sure that I give the leaders plenty of time to go home and shower before making my grand appearance at the finish line. Extending my time on the course will give your company hours of additional exposure.

Although my current fitness is impressive, never underestimate the effects of sexual frustration on the athleic potential of a single 28 year old woman. I have an endless tank of energy to funnel into my triathlon training. There is no telling what the next 6 months will bring.

Marketing Potential:

I'm not sure if word has gotten out to you yet about my triathlon blog. I had at least 50 visitors this year. Don't worry, I have saved plenty of advertising space for your company. I guarantee that within 6 months of sponsoring me, all of my mom's friends will be cruising around their neighborhoods on Cervelo Cycles. I truly think that the female 60-64 age group is a jackpot of untapped revenue for your company.

Additionally, I think that I could be a model spokesperson for your company. First of all, as a 28 year old still in school I will preach the merits of higher education. I have truly mastered the art of avoiding the workforce. Why does that matter to your company, you ask? Well, have you ever seen people that have more time on their hands to train than graduate and medical students? It's a group that will be quickly drawn into the sport. Then, once they hit the coveted 30-40 year old demographic, their education will pay off and they will be putty in your hands with huge paychecks. I see a future of garages lined with Cervelo road and tri-bikes.

Finally, my experience in marketing makes me an ideal candidate for your company. I was among the top of my marketing class in high school in all of our roll playing assignments. And have you seen my skills in a group? Clearly you noticed me at the Slowtwitch Virtual Christmas party. Give me a mixer of Gatorade Endurance and Vodka and I'll mingle like a socialite pushing a clothing line. I am even willing to give up a week of my time next October to be flown out to help promote Cervelo at Kona next year. I'll bet not many athletes would be selfless enough to offer up their time like that!

In conclusion, I think that we could have a very profitable and mutually beneficial business partnership. Please feel free to contact me for any other information that you may need. Thanks you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

Jodi Thomson

P.S. My bike size is 48 cm.

;-)

Merry Christmas everyone!

19 comments:

TriBoomer said...

OK, JT... you've sold me. If Cervelo doesn't sponsor you I will. I don't have any products to give you but you can wear my name on your jersey. Just tell that to the guys at Cervelo and they'll step up and sponsor you. I just know it!

Stay tuned...

Kate said...

Hilarious! Nice one :-)

Curly Su said...

awesome! i'm right with you!

Duane said...

You are so funny! Merry Christmas!

Joseph Vinciquerra said...

Very, very funny! Vroomen's an idiot to pass you up!

;-)

E-Speed said...

This was too cute!

erichollins said...

Athletic, smart, loves beer and football, funny, and witty. Wow ;-)

Seriously, that letter made me LOL so many times.

Charlie said...

additional exposure.
I used to tell my boss that by sponsoring my races he would recieve maximum exposure....
Seriously, have you sent a letter to Kuji?

JeffM said...

Very good letter! In no time you'll be on the cover of Tri magazines with your new bike.
PS- Is your baby (bike) cracked?

Left Foot, Right Foot said...

Great letter. :)

Have a great holiday!

Deirdre said...

Classic!! I hope you have a wonderful holiday!

bbieberitz said...

Classic!!! Maybe T. Demerly could hook you up. I heard he own a bike shop......

Wes said...

Merry Christmas, Jodi! I would sponsor you! LOL.

Annette said...

Awesome letter! I loved it. You're a great writer.

I hope you had a merry Christmas! :)

TriSonq said...

Been away from the computer. So, I'm a late commentator.

THAT was funny. I read it while snacking on my lunch at my desk. Now, there is Diet Coke on my keyboard.

Thanks

B Bop said...

LOL!! You are a clever girl :-)

mike said...

That was a great read...just in time to bring back some reality to some of the sponsorship letters I have been writing...you should send that to Paul and Gerard...what's the worst thing they could do. I'll even hand deliver it for you for added effect (I live in Toronto - hq for Cervelo).

Aleks said...

This was the highlight of my week... too funny. Since I'm still in the Toronto area for the next few days, I would be willing to follow up the letter delivery with an official visit to Cervelo to show my additional support. I'm in marketing, this would be a breeze... you make yourself look good!

Anonymous said...

I love the line "I'll mingle like a socialite pushing a clothing line"

Classic!